tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post4409807885214710514..comments2023-10-10T06:48:40.299-03:00Comments on the feminist librarian: not-so-quick hit: bigotry towards childrenannajcookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17573723390785613915noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-10982671027453424862010-05-25T09:33:25.544-03:002010-05-25T09:33:25.544-03:00@Sunset,
Thanks for taking the time to comment a...@Sunset, <br /><br />Thanks for taking the time to comment and share your own personal perspective on the harm done by not taking children seriously as people. <br /><br />I particularly like your insight that this sends the message that "your pain does not matter." More and more as I listen to people attack other folks for being in the public sphere, it seems like it often comes down to the person lashing out feeling like they aren't being heard and their needs aren't being attended to. I realize it's more complicated than that -- but it does seem like addressing peoples' core needs and convincing them that they <em>matter</em> as human beings might go a long way toward ramping down the defensive territorialism.annajcookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17573723390785613915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-34141144727953907662010-05-24T18:54:54.852-03:002010-05-24T18:54:54.852-03:00So we're doing a bit of a late comment here; I...So we're doing a bit of a late comment here; I just came here via link from another post.<br /><br />I am 22 now. Like entirely too many of our young women, I was a teenaged abuse victim. My personal pet peeve: "you're too young to have problems" or any variant thereof. The assumption that a young woman who fails to smile and act like life is wonderful is being silly and/or dramatic.<br /><br />Think, for a minute, what this tells our young people. It says <i>your pain does not matter,</i> because you are not old enough to have what we deem real pain. Is this really the message we want to send our young people?<br /><br />Put it another way: as feminists, we bemoan the fact that society tells women their emotions are less real, less important. Yet we tell our girls the same thing, then wonder why they don't stand up for themselves as adult women.Sunsetnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-22638069182021523292010-05-05T10:36:23.120-03:002010-05-05T10:36:23.120-03:00@Arran, thanks for visiting and commenting! I real...@Arran, thanks for visiting and commenting! I really do agree with your observation that deciding not to parent is a very different thing from not treating children with respect as human beings. I think because in our culture we're expected to either fawn over children as adorable objects OR ignore/revile them, when someone says "I don't want to have kids" or "I can't see being a parent" people often hear "I hate children." <br /><br />And to be fair to them, there are certainly people (particularly in the online universe) who are pushing back so hard against the pressure to be parents. Because if you don't want to be a parent you must be, the narrative goes, a selfish, antisocial, sick and twisted soul. I'm really appalled sometimes by the language that is used in online comments to refer to young people (the issue that prompted my original post on the subject a couple of years ago). BUT, I absolutely believe it is possible not to want to parent, not to want to be a caregiver for young people, and still treat the children one meets in public spaces with kindness and courtesy. <br /><br />It's frustrating that society so often ignores this third option (possibly because media loves opposition and mudslinging? and the parent vs. non-parent narrative makes for great copy?).<br /><br />@Ryan, glad you dropped by again :). And I agree with you about the airplane issue. It IS frustrating to be stuck on a trans-continental flight with a kid who's airsick or whose ears refuse to pop. But I always think it's only going to make the situation worse if we hate on the parents who are struggling to care for the child, because they're most likely going to take it out on the kid and nothing will resolve itself. I don't think any parent would fly with a young infant unless they absolutely had to -- and in this era of global mobility, often the only way for relatives to connect is through plane travel.annajcookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17573723390785613915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-61651395150193775242010-05-05T09:52:04.604-03:002010-05-05T09:52:04.604-03:00OMG. This post is empowering. I could never pi...OMG. This post is empowering. I could never pin-point why i'd get so upset when I heard some jackass go on about how kids should not be allowed on airplanes and so on.Ryan Deschampshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11604964818059193270noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-66954130326341812092010-05-04T19:46:43.363-03:002010-05-04T19:46:43.363-03:00Thank you so much for writing this. For years i...Thank you so much for writing this. For years i've been the "not really a kid person" person, but that had less to do with children & more to do with others who claim to love kids.<br />Their attitudes for years made me feel as though my limited experience & awkward interaction with children, was grounds for my self-classification as 'anti-child' or something.<br />It was easier to make those kinds of statements than to get into my real problems which ranged from detesting the superficial "kids as an accessory" types, having to bite my tongue when people just stuck a telly in their kid's bedroom, instead of reading to them <br />& the fact that I just can't talk down to kids.<br /><br />Interaction with my kindergarten aged cousin recently surprised my family & some friends, because of their assumptions about my attitudes. He was occasionally rather hyperactive, but also very eager to discuss his random observations of the world (such as how much better the world would be if androids lived among us)& I genuinely enjoyed spending time with him. <br /><br />The fact that i'm only 24 aside, my belief is that Having a child & raising one are not the same thing. I'm not prepared for either, which is why I tell people "I don't want kids" because it's easier than "I don't have any idea when I would be in the best place financially or mentally to be even a decent parent"Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12283152608363549496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-83699744844165509542010-05-04T15:30:14.894-03:002010-05-04T15:30:14.894-03:00Hi Molly,
Hehe! I like the idea of swapping stor...Hi Molly, <br /><br />Hehe! I like the idea of swapping stories about "our culture sucking" . . .if you're ever in the Boston, Mass. area drop me an email and maybe we can meet for that cup of tea :).<br /><br />Your example about how your son is treated at the dinner table is <em>exactly</em> the gist of my post. The idea that children have nothing to contribute to a mealtime conversation, or that it is beyond the pale for them to ask for clarification about an issue they don't understand is exactly that sort of systemic behavior that marginalizes children from "important" or "real-world" activities because of the assumption that they're not interested and/or not old enough to meaningfully contribute.annajcookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17573723390785613915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-88720715018348517892010-05-04T12:03:09.347-03:002010-05-04T12:03:09.347-03:00I think you and I could have a very enjoyable cup ...I think you and I could have a very enjoyable cup of tea together. You know, sharing stories about our culture sucking.<br /><br />For instance: it never ceases to amaze me how people--people who 'love children' or 'just can't get enough of' my son--want to be cuddled or amused when they feel like it ... but seriously expect him to sit silently at the table while adults have conversations that exclude him entirely. I don't mean that we all need to talk about 'kid things' (whatever that would be), but that we need to include him in the conversation just like we'd include any adult friend who happened to join us. It's only polite to explain things when he asks, tell him who people in the story are when he hasn't met them, and ask him questions every so often. It would be obviously rude to sit and have a long conversation that involves all but one adult at a meal ... and it's obviously rude with this child who is my friend, too. (This may be more disconcerting to me because this child is very articulate and polite--so it's pretty clear that the exclusion is based on his physical smallness and lack of social status than on, say, his whininess or desire to discuss <i>Barney</i> or anything.)<br /><br />It's hard for me to understand why that feels normal to so many otherwise very enlightened and thoughtful adults.Molly (First the Egg)http://www.firsttheegg.comnoreply@blogger.com