sunday smut: tumblr highlights (no. 7)

Mostly, I'm posting some highlights this week so I have an excuse to share this picture with you. It makes me smile every time I look at it.

There were some wonderful posts this week on reaching outside ourselves with compassion and non-judgment. Since Hanna's meditation homework for the week (she's taking a series of classes on the eightfold path) was to only speak words which were "kind, true, and necessary," I thought it would be appropriate to highlight the work of folks who are encouraging us in that direction.

Amanda Marcotte @ Pandagon mused on political dynamics of the bile directed at so-called "hipsters."

What’s fascinating to me is that these narratives are so evocative in our culture, and the consequence of that is that the group being bashed as smug and elitist---hipsters, liberals---is assumed to be the ones that have to do the compromising and apologizing. The mainstream narrative in our culture is that hipsters have all these privileges of good taste and pleasure (which is impugned into money, though statistically, I’m guessing they’re no more or less middle class than their traditional bashers), and therefore they’re the ones who need to be taken down a peg, even though in the real world, the people bashed as "smug hipsters" are hardly exempt from being treated like shit for who they are, which is one reason they shun living in rural and suburban communities where they’ll be excluded and choose to live in urban areas where they can find people they get along with.

Read more at The Narrative of Inauthenticity.

Anna @ FWD/Forward writes about how the world-at-large continues to presume that only able-bodied folks participate in real life activities ... until someone with disabilities has the temerity to ask to be included in everyday life.

What I end up getting out of this story is that the burden of pushing for something to be accessible pretty much consistently falls on people with disabilities themselves. We have to ask because no program, no building, no website, will be willingly designed with the idea that people with disabilities are part of a broader target audience. Only websites, buildings, and programs aimed right at people with disabilities will do so. (Until laws are passed, of course. And even then the law will be only grudgingly followed.)

Accessibility is often treated like a favour that non-disabled people do for (or even to) disabled people, one that is given out of the goodness of one’s heart. It’s an individual’s problem to bring up, and the solution is for individuals to come up with.

...We don’t act like putting a door in the front of our building is a favour we are doing. We assume that doors are necessary. And yet, people treat having a ramp to that door as a favour they are doing, when the ramp serves the same purpose: it allows people to come inside.

Read more at Accessibility is Not an Individual Problem.

Rachel @ The Feminist Agenda talks about how effortless it is to write with respect about transgender folks.

None of these things appear to have required a superhuman effort on the author's part. None of this required arduous editing and rewriting. Perhaps this is because the author appears to have simply approached the story as if it were about a real human being, deserving of just treatment and human compassion.

I propose that this approach could serve as a model to guide you in your coverage of news stories involving transgender people. Just think of them as humans, and treat them with the kind of respect that you want to be treated with. I promise you, it's not that hard.

Read more at How It's Done.

Anna North @ Jezebel reflects on what it means to parent a child whose appearance or behavior is deemed "weird" by the majority of society.

...sadly, being a "weird" kid doesn't always turn out so great. The father of bullying victim Asher Brown said of his son, "He was very different. He's not the type of kid that would try to wear the newest clothes or try to do the coolest thing. He was an individual." And for this, Brown was tormented until he committed suicide. Of course, some kids who act differently from the rest are embraced — but unfortunately, some suffer.

That doesn't mean Asher Brown's parents should have made him dress differently, any more than they should have made him pretend to be straight. The people who need to change are the perpetrators, not the victims of bullying. But at the same time, let's not pretend that being the "weird" kid at school is easy. Parents need to support their kids' individuality, but they also need to watch out for signs of bullying, and teach kids to talk to an adult if it happens. And, unfortunately, they may need to advocate strenuously for their kids's safety, because schools don't seem all that good at doing this on their own.

Read more at Should Parents Let Their Kids Act "Weird"?

Tumblr blogger lucy @happy monsters shared the following thought, which I will include here in its entirety.

Instead of judging someone, calling them slut or whore or dumbass or jerk or whatever, isn’t it easier to tell yourself you simply don’t understand their lifestyle and let it go? I’m something I used to dislike, only because I used to be ignorant. And now I understand. People have different lives and different upbringings, make different choices, like different things; to each and everyone of them their decisions are just as justified as yours are to you.

Next time you call someone a bad word, remember that there is someone out there who’s just as willing to judge you for what you do because they don’t know you. Then you complain about judgmental people? No one wants to be a bad person, honestly, but they’re deemed so by people who don’t understand them. No one. Furthermore, people are governed by emotions most of the time, just as much as you are yourself, so try walking in someone else’s shoes for once. Strong emotions almost always hinder rationality, just because you are more sober than someone at a given time doesn’t mean you’re any better at handling things.

I need to remember this, even if I’m not making sense, even if none of this is true. Because so far it’s working and I’m beginning to empathize with everyone around me better. Long way to go, though. Long way to go.

Check out the rest of lucy's blog at happymonsters.tumblr.com.

And finally, Lisa Factora-Borchers @ My Ecdysis has written a follow-up post to her beautiful (and oft-cited) explanation of the term "kyriarchy" in which she challenges a recent mis-use of the term in an article published in The Guardian. The Guardian author suggested the term was about "individual liberation." Lisa writes

The purpose and measure of kyriarchy – and feminism in general – is not to increase our time at the microphone so we can more accurately assign BLAME. The purpose and measure of kyriarchy is to further understand the power and crippling tendencies of the human race to push, torture, and minimize others. It is in our nature to try and become “lord” or “master” in our communities, to exert a “power-over” someone else. Kyriarchy does not exist to give us tools to further imprison ourselves by blaming our environment, upbringing, or social caste. It is the opposite. Kyriarchy exists to give us tools to liberate ourselves by understanding the shifting powers of oppression. It is not about passing the megaphone to men so they can be included in the oppression olympics. Simply check-marking our gender, sex, race, ablity, class, citizenship, skin color and other pieces of identity will not free us from the social ills of our stratified society. Kyriarchy is not the newly minted alarm clock to wake us up to what’s wrong. It exists to radically implement our finest strategies to deconstruct our personal and political powers for the liberation of self and community. For self AND community.

Which is why I so vehemently disagree with Hodgson who believes that the most helpful piece of kyriarchy is “its emphasis on individual liberation…”

Please indulge my own theory-making right now: There’s no such thing as liberation if the word ‘individual’ precedes it.

I cannot speak for Elisabeth Schussler Fiorenza. I cannot pretend to even guess what Hodgson herself means in writing that phrase “individual liberation.” However, in the spirit of feminist theology, in the spirit of radical understanding of power, I would argue with 100% confidence that the absolute LAST thing that kyriarchy strives for is individual liberation. Solely pursuing your own liberation often comes at the expense of others. That’s not liberation, that’s mainstream feminism.

Read more at Truthout About Kyriarchy: An Open Letter To “Feminist” Writers, Bloggers, and Journalists.

sunday smut: tumblr highlights (no. 6) | late-blooming lesbian edition

Last Friday, on tumblr, I shared a story about late-blooming lesbians by lisala @ That Gay Blog. Among other things, she wrote about the work of researcher Lisa Diamond, whose book Sexual Fluidity was instrumental in my own process of finding language to communicate the nature of my of sexual attractions. Although I don't tend to think about myself as a "late-blooming" lesbian so much as I do a late bloomer in the relational sexuality department (I entered my first sexual relationship at age twenty-eight), I do think my sexual desires needed the catalyst of a specific person in order to really catch fire. And sans that particular person, I felt like my evidence for same-sex desire was weak. (My evidence for opposite-sex desire was similarly weak, but our culture doesn't demand proof of heterosexuality in the same way that it demands proof of queer sexuality.) This catalyst concept was what the quote I shared on tumblr was all about:

Diamond notes often "women who may have always thought that other women were beautiful and attractive would, at some point later in life, actually fall in love with a woman, and that experience vaulted those attractions from something minor to something hugely significant." Professor Diamond adds that "it wasn’t that they’d been repressing their true selves before; it was that without the context of an actual relationship, the little glimmers of occasional fantasies or feelings just weren’t that significant."

Emphasis mine. Again, you can read the whole post over at That Gay Blog.

One of the lovely things about tumblr blogging, I'm finding, is that people are more likely to share (reblog) and comment upon the quotes I post there than they are (generally speaking) to come and comment on this blog. It's fun to see, via the "like" and "reblog" options, where the stories and ideas that are meaningful to me travel through social network of tumblr followers + their followers + their followers and so on down the line.

On this post, some of the bloggers who re-blogged the Diamond quote added their own two cents:

this is kind of how i feel right now.

I find this somewhat relevant to my own sexuality. The idea that having never been in a relationship with a girl doesn’t make me “less bi” was a long time coming.

I think I might be a late-blooming lesbian. I wish I had realised this before entering a serious relationship with a man.

I can see it happening.

Omg That's So True =O 

This quote just informed me I will become a lesbian later in life. 

oh hey, i might become a lesbian at some point. since i aesthetically find women’s bodies more attractive than men's…that doesn’t surprise me at all actually.

 It's a fascinating medium, to see all of the ever-so-slightly-different reactions passed along, amended, and added to.

Everyone have a great Sunday and best wishes for the week ahead.

sunday smut: tumblr highlights (no. 5)

hdrbwroofpencilvsmlweb
by Sean Flynn @ Flickr.com 

Lots of really, really great stuff this week. I bring you a handful of excerpts I shared at tumblr. For the rest, wander on over to the feminist librarian reads.

Molly @ first the egg | unemployment, class privilege & family-blind expectations.

“Apparently unemployed people are all either single people, or men with wives to take care of the children and home, or independently wealthy. The online unemployment system advises that everyone should treat the job search like a full-time job, carrying on job-seeking for 40 hours each week. Isn’t that adorable? Should I perhaps stick Noah in a crate eight hours a day in order to accomplish that? Because being unemployed meansI can’t afford full-time childcare.”

echidne @ ECHIDNE of the Snakes | Who Stole Feminism? Part I.

“How does one define an 'establishment feminist,' by the way? Do people who write about feminism a lot count or not? Or does the person have to be running a feminist organization to count as one? How long must a person be famous as a feminist to count as part of the establishment? I’m asking because sometimes it is hard to know who these establishment feminists are, given that the whole feminist movement is in tatters and shreds.”

Courtney @ From Austin to A&M | Connecting with female characters in geek television.

[Courtney provides: spoiler warnings for Dr. Who, Torchwood and Supernatural, as well as trigger warnings for imagined violence, slut-shaming and misogyny against women characters]

“This tendency to dislike female character reminds me of another ‘being one of the guys’ strategy: I often meet women who tell me proudly, ‘I just don’t get along with women. All of my best friends have been guys.’ These women also often think that this fact actually makes them progressive (because nothing’s more radical than failing to create female-centric relationships!). And most of the women I’ve known who say this are geeks. It’s actually one of the reasons it took so long for me to become friends with geeks, because ‘I don’t get along with women’ is dealbreaker for me. Any woman who says this is either a) telling me that I can never expect more than perfunctory friendship with them or b) inviting me to denigrate women as well, as the basis of our friendship. And no thank you.”

Spilt Milk @ Spilt Milk | Bullies = bullies, children =/= sociopaths and other simple equations.

“At two years old, Bean is still developing her capacity for empathy. She doesn’t yet have the cognitive ability to ‘put herself in someone else’s shoes’ or to reason through all of the consequences of her actions. Even so, she shows concern when others are distressed, she shows affection and practices impulse control when she can in order to share and take turns. She actively comforts adults and other children, offering cuddles and sympathy. Just like the other toddlers and preschoolers and school-aged children that I know do. They are not adults and don’t (can’t) think and behave exactly like adults. But that doesn’t make them sociopathic.

. . . you can’t call for more vigilance, transparency and action against young bullies without also calling for more respect for young people. It is precisely because adults feel safe and justified in expressing anti-child sentiments like “[children are] basically sociopathic” – that is, precisely because children are marginalised in our culture – that bullying is allowed to flourish in institutions like schools. If you don’t feel that children deserve the same respect as any other group of humans (and I would argue that whacking a negative label on them, using sarcastic jibes about their behaviour and showing hostility towards those that would defend them is, um, disrespectful) then how can you argue that their pain matters and that their voices should be heard? The very same people who call being bullied ‘character building’ are the people who wish to maintain the status quo, a situation where children are not well protected.”

For all the rest of the week's links, head on over to the feminist librarian reads.

sunday smut: tumblr highlights (no. 4)

cat bath
by Girla Obscura @ Flickr.com

Because when you can combine nakedness with cats, why not go for it?

This week in tumblr posts.

Hands-down Most Perfect Post of the Week Award:

Thetroubleis @ FWD/Forward | We also have the right to be in public.

Ever since childhood, I’ve been judged for not preforming humanity correctly, as anyone who wants the basic decency afforded a real person should. Reading at the dinning table to avoid a freakout is disrespectful. Refusing to look people in the eye must mean I’m hiding something. Making my mom order for me because I couldn’t stand to talk to strangers was freaky and just not right. It cannot be allowed stand and thus, I had to be molded, to become more normal. The discomfort of others with my natural state was always more important than anything I could need.

…One would think feminists, who I hear aren’t too keen on the policing of womens’ behavior, would see the parallels in policing the behavior of other marginalized people. Really, truth be told, the feminist movement has never been very good at being inclusive, at understanding intersecting oppressions. Therefore, I’m not very surprised, just further disappointed. This happens time and time again in various movements sold as progressive.”

Most Interesting Research from Across the Pond Written by Male Feminist Award:

Catherine Redfern @ The F-Word | Johnathan Dean: Rethinking Contemporary Feminist Politics [interview].

I found that a lot of academic work tended to assume that the most radical kinds of feminism are those that are most purist and separatist. There are good reasons for the popularity of that assumption, but my book tries to argue that there might be other ways in which feminist practices might be described as ‘radical’. This sets the scene for the book’s main argument, which is that all the groups I studied were in many ways becoming increasingly vibrant and radical during my research period. The F-Word, for instance, has been astonishingly successful in bringing together a plurality of different - and sometimes competing - voices from across the spectrum of UK feminism. I think there is something quite radical and challenging about that plurality of voices (rather than, as some might argue, it being a mixture of radical and ‘non-radical’ voices). Also, the Fawcett Society - which could be seen as quite a mainstream, liberal group - used to project quite a safe and unthreatening image, but since around 2005 its feminism has been much more assertive, and it has collaborated in interesting ways with several smaller organisations.

 Can We Not Have This Generational Feminisms Argument Yet Again? Award:


Courtney Martin @ Feministing | Electras talk back: responses to Susan Faludi’s Harper’s piece.

I talked to my own mom as I was deciding how to respond to this article and she said this: ‘The way I see it, you have to stop listening to my voice at times, so you can learn to listen to your own.’ I depend on both my own mother, and the larger feminist legacy, for wisdom, but I expect to be seen and heard accurately and compassionately in return. It’s time that we took this dialogue to a new level; instead we’re wallowing in finger-pointing and holier-than-thou judgment. There are real enemies out there, waiting for our good energy and savvy methodologies. Let’s not waste all of our time parodying one another.

To read the rest of this week's links, wander on over to the feminist librarian reads.

sunday smut: tumblr highlights (no. 3)

So I'm still getting used to using my tumblr account as a way to share links. It's a really strange hybrid of Google Reader (through which I get aggregated blog stories from the various blogs I follow, can share and comment on them to friends who also use the Reader), Blogger (wherein, as now, I generate original content in the form of fully-developed blog posts) and Twitter (where thoughts, exchanges, and links are limited to 140 characters).

One of the oddest features of the tumblr interface is that when you post something to a tumblr blog, people who want to respond to what you share have only two options: to "like" the post or to "reblog" it, or quote the post in part or in full, with or without additional commentary. There is no comment feature, so conversations bounce back and forth between tumblr blogs in a very disconcerting way. At least, disconcerting for me.

An example from this past week.

Yesterday morning, I "reblogged" a post from a blogger named genderbitch about the birth rape language discussion/intra-feminist controversy and added some further thoughts of my own. genderbitch reblogged that post with comments/responses of her own, which in turn I wanted to respond to. And the only way I could respond was to reblog the post again. And again. And again. Until, I feel, the two of us got into an incredible tangle of mis-communication (about which there might be a more lengthy blog post coming next week ... still not sure). This seems incredibly clunky. Tips from anyone with more tumblr experience than I are welcome ... though perhaps the answer is just to limit my tumblr use to reblogging without my own added commentary!

And with that observation, here are a couple of my favorite tumblr stories from the week.

The Right to Bear

It’s not ‘babyish’ to find ways to self-soothe and to cultivate feelings of security: it’s human, and it’s smart. It’s not wrong to form attachments and dependencies and when it’s people and things that do not harm us, it’s actually desirable to do so. There is no prize for growing up the fastest, especially when growing up means shedding, or hiding, human vulnerabilities.

~Spilt Milk

Toward a Taxonomy of Homophobia

The problem, it seems to me, is that we need a more nuanced vocabulary for ‘homophobia’ (and likewise for transphobia). There is homophobia like that of Phelps, stemming from hate or deep fear, and directed with deliberate negative intent towards LGB people. There is homophobia like that of people who oppose, say, marriage equality or allowing gay men and lesbians to serve openly in the military, but who do so out of misunderstanding, not out of hate. They might vote against us, but only because they have never sat down to talk with any of us. There is homophobia like that of Rice, where LGBT-related language is used in an insensitive and thoughtless way, but is not directly aimed at LGB people.

~Dana Rudolph, Change.org’s Gay Rights Blog.

and Suffrage On Stage: Marie Jenney Howe Parodies the Opposition

My first argument against suffrage is that the women would not use it if they had it. You couldn’t drive them to the polls. My second argument is, if the women were enfranchised they would neglect their homes, desert their families, and spend all their time at the polls. You may tell me that the polls are only open once a year. But I know women. They are creatures of habit. If you let them go to the polls once a year, they will hang round the polls all the rest of the time.

~Mary Jenney Howe, “An Anti-Suffrage Monologue” (1913).

sunday smut: tumblr highlights (no. 1)

^{Gouache Nude Painting by Armando Martires
made available at Flickr.com}

As I dive into the semester, here's a sampling of stories I shared on my tumblr blog, the feminist librarian reads, this past week. Here are a few samplings from the past week ... head on over to tumblr for more!

What Comes After the Gender Binary by Marissa @ This Is Hysteria!

"This is not the first time that I’ve seen somebody think that when I talk about eliminating the gender binary that I envision a world of uniform androgyny.

What the elimination of the gender binary means to me is that people can be as masculine or feminine as they like. But the performance of masculinity or femininity is not compulsory depending on sex. Being masculine in some respects would not put femininity out of bounds for you, and vice-versa. Gender could be played with, freely, without social sanction.

That is, there would be more variety in gender expression, not less. Instead of black and white, we would have a rainbow, not a homogenous mass of grey."

kinky by Emily Nagoski @ ::sex nerd::

"Sex positivity is part of it. Kinky folks have often had to take a long, hard look at sexuality – their own and the world’s – and come to the conclusion that their own desires are actually completely FINE, in the context of consenting adults, and that people who don’t agree with them (a) can go fuck themselves and (b) are probably suffering from that self-imposed moralizing and narrowly conscribed ideas about sexual expression, and are therefore to be pitied.

That combination of I-pity-you and you-can-go fuck-yourself rings very true to me. I appreciate both the empathy and the lack of tolerance for bullshit."

Gender divide a myth, says expert by Amelia Hill @ The Guardian

“[Cordelia] Fine is unabashed. ‘There are sex differences in the brain. There are also large sex differences in who does what and who achieves what,’ she says. ‘It would make sense if these facts were connected in some way, and perhaps they are. But when we follow the trail of contemporary science we discover a surprising number of gaps, assumptions, inconsistencies, poor methodologies and leaps of faith.’

Combing through the latest research in psychology and neuroscience, Fine concludes that ‘the sheer complexity of the brain lends itself beautifully to overinterpretation and precipitous conclusions. It’s a compelling story that offers a neat, satisfying explanation, and justification, of the status quo.’ Fine warns that ‘brain facts’ about the sexes – in fact, stereotypes with a veneer of credibility – are worming their way into apparently scientific books.”

Read the rest over at my tumblr blog.

sunday smut on hiatus (sort of)

^{Vintage smut from the tumblr blog queerest of them all.}

There have been Developments since I last posted a Sunday Smut list, namely that I've started a tumblr blog, the feminist librarian reads, at which I am posting, throughout the week, the links and excerpts that used to pile up in Google Reader and overwhelm me by Thursday or Friday as I began to compile the Sunday Smut list. As I explained on Monday, the tumblr posts feed into a static page here at the FFLA.

In the meantime, I've discerned that the next few weeks are going to be stressful and hectic around the FFLA headquarters, between the end of the summer (wrapping up my thesis draft!), a trip to Maine, and the start of the fall semester. Once things settle down, I plan to revisit the whole question of the Sunday Smut list, but in the meantime enjoy this charming photograph, check out my tumblr links, and savor the waning days of summer.

sunday smut: links on sex and gender (no. 33)

Just the links this week, folks!

Also, please note that I'll be taking a long weekend away from posting next week as my mother is in town ... but Sunday Smut will be back the following weekend!

On Prop 8 ruling:

Cristian Asher @ Gay Rights Blog | Round Three in the Marriage Equality Wars.

Adam Serwer @ The American Prospect | Douthat On Prop. 8.

Amanda Marcotte @ Pandagon | Gay marriage and the patriarchy shell game.

Lisala @ That Gay Blog | A Rebuttal to Shulman.

Roxann MtJoy @ Women's Rights Blog | Op-Ed Claims Marriage Is About Protecting Ladies, Not Love.

Will Neville @ RhRealityCheck | Prop 8 and the Future of Sex Ed.

Dana Rudolph @ Gay Rights Blog | American Bar Association Endorses Marriage Equality.

Ampersand @ Alas, a Blog | The Funniest Bits of Judge Walker’s Refusal To Stay Same-Sex Marriages.

The entire text of the Prop 8 ruling not enough for you? You can access all of the documentary evidence submitted at trial online. Oh god, the geekery overload!

Other news:

Emily Nagoski @ ::sex nerd:: | banging the effeminate drum.

Sadie Stein @ Jezebel | Pretty Women, Manly Jobs: We Do Hate You Because You're Beautiful [Beauty Myth].

Rose @ Feministing | Why I'm skeptical about "negotiated infidelity" (comments are worth checking out if you're interested in sexual ethics).

Lisa Wade @ Jezebel | Where Are Fashion's Gender Neutral Clothes? [Clothes].

Ann Friedman @ The American Prospect | All Politics is Identity Politics.

Tracy Clark-Flory @ Salon | Massachusetts' strict maternity leave ruling.

C.L. Minou @ Tiger Beatdown | Left Behind: About the Failures of Feminism.

rabbitwhite @ sexgenderbody | What I've Learned about Sex from Asexuality.

June Carbone and Naomi Cahn @ Jezebel | Chelsea/Marc vs. Bristol/Levi: Whose Kids Will Fare Better? [Family Values] (on the economics of parenting in the 21st century).

Elizabeth Kissling @ Ms. Magazine | The Leap from Younger Puberty to Fat Shaming.

Amie Newman @ RhRealityCheck | Does Refusing a C-section = Child Abuse?

Sharkfu @ Feministing | Notes from a bitch...a pondering on religious institutions....

Mitch Wagner @ tor.com | Heinlein: Forward-looking diversity advocate or sexist bigot? Yes.

Stacie Ponder @ Final Girl | A Waste of Time (or; why not to bother with the lesbian vampires).

Steerforth @ The Age of Uncertainty | Jolly Queer (from which this week's illustration is drawn).

sunday smut: links on sex and gender (no. 32)

^{Lesbian Zombie Wedding by flybaby
at Flickr.com}

As y'all are no doubt already aware, United States District Chief Judge Vaughn Walker issued a kick-ass opinion this passed Wednesday that found Proposition 8 unconstitutional and that anti-gay marriage arguments were religiously, irrationally motivated and therefore held "essentialyl no weight" when it came to civil law. (If I didn't have a girlfriend of whom I am so fond, I would kiss the man).

Spiffy @ Hippyish brought us my favorite "waiting for the ruling" post.

I read the opinion with great glee and will be offering some tasty highlights throughout next week. But in the meantime, you can find a 138-page PDF of the full decision available online for your own reading pleasure (and a pleasure it is!) or enjoy Dahlia Lithwick's observations over at Slate.com.

The supports of Prop. 8 have already filed an appeal of the ruling, but this particular decision is far from meaningless just because the case will continue to move through the court system. Thomas @ Yes Means Yes offers us a summary of the 80 "findings of fact" that make up a substantial portion of the ruling and explains why they matter into the future. Mac McClelland @ Mother Jones asks what's next for the Prop 8 case?

A few more notable posts on the ruling:

Marty Klein @ Sexual Intelligence | Prop 8, Minority Rights, & American Democracy.

Andrew Belonsky @ Gay Rights Blog | Judge Vaughn Walker's Prop 8 Decision Heralds New Age of Rationality.

Dana Rudolph @ Women's Rights Blog | Prop 8 Ruling Highlights Crumbling of Gender Roles.

Jessica Arons @ RhRealityCheck | Prop 8 Court Victory: A Reproductive Justice Win Too.

Aaron Belkin @ Huffington Post | Prop 8 and the Politics of Paranoia.

In other news.

On Thursday, Elena Kagan became the fourth women ever to be confirmed as a Justice on the United States Supreme Court. Alex DiBranco @ Women's Right Blog observes that now the Supreme Court is one-third female for the first time in history. Dahlia Lithwick @ Slate suggests we may be in for something of a ride.

A group of Republicans is apparently attempting to repeal the 14th Amendment. That's right, the one that guarantees us all equal protection under the law. Amanda Marcotte @ Pandagon explains how this topsy-turvy (and not unfrightening) situation is tied to hysteria over non-white, foreign-born people. Xenophobia and bigotry = NOT COOL PEOPLE.

Another story in the annals of hate, Monica @ Transgriot points out that hypermasculinity is killing our kids. A 17-month-old toddler was killed by his father for not being manly enough.

Jessica Yee @ Ms. Blog writes about how native women were the movers and shakers behind the 2010 Tribal Law and Order Act (passed this week) which will help protect indigenous women from violence.

Ann Friedman @ The American Prospect consider the new workplace sexism and how, even though the more blatant paternalism of the 50s and 60s is a thing of the past, misogyny can still have a negative affect on women's careers. "Often these are men who would never dream of groping, making unwanted advances, or bestowing inappropriate nicknames on their female co-workers, but behind-their-back comments are also intimidation and bullying of a sexual nature."

The American Journal of Obstetrics and Gynecology published a "meta-analysis" of studies related to home birth recently, in which researchers concluded that while outcomes for mothers were good home birth (or rather, lack of intervention at home births) were supposedly related to significant increases in infant mortality. Amie Newman @ RhRealityCheck reports on how (much like with Prop 8!) bias, politics and sloppy research make this latest condemnation of home birthing unworthy of note, and also calls for an end to the "home birth vs. hospital birth" debate.

Where to give birth is hardly the only aspect of parenting that has political ramifications. Rachel White @ AlterNet provides a personal perspective on the kyriarchical elitism of the world of human egg donation.

And Belinda Baldwin @ Gay Right's Blog suggests that the frustration among some queer folks over the portrayal of a lesbian couples' infidelity in The Kids Are All Right might be misplaced. "What if," she asks, "the price of fitting in is the loss of a cohesive group identity?"

The kids might be alright, but sluts, apparently, still don't have a right to be happy. At least if one is to judge from the blowback from Jaclyn Friedman's recent piece on discovering her inner slut -- and enjoying it. Megan Carpentier @ Bitch Blogs muses about how it's still culturally unacceptable for women who enjoy casual sex to, well, enjoy it. Heather Corinna @ Feministe riffs on a similar theme in the post about a one-line email she received which read: "her advice comes from fact that Heather Corinna is a SLUT."

Consistently, it seems to me that one of the characteristics that divides the left from the right (at least in this historical moment) is that while folks on the left are primarily occupied with trying to protect the freedom of individuals to pursue happiness, as long as they aren't hurting others, folks on the right expend freakish amounts of energy attempting to mould the world, pygmalian like, in their own image. You'd think the Christian god might have a thing or two to say about "false idols." But I digress. As an example, Amanda Marcotte @ Pandagon shows how hysterical one conservative blogger got when Jaclyn Friedman wrote a piece about how she'd discovered the pleasures of more casual sex. Somehow, in the conservative mind the words "I enjoy this thing!" turn into "Everyone in the world must enjoy this thing just as I do!" Maybe they insert the chip when you register as a member of the GOP?

And finally: the GOP aren't the only ones who want to stick their noses into other peoples' personal choices. Apparently, there is a Queen's English Society, and apparently they are annoyed by the nomenclature for women's formal titles. Stupid women, for needing so many when men have just one! Let's get rid of ... the most universal of them? Wait! What? Courtney and Adrienne @ From Austin to A&M have more.

sunday smut: links list on sex and gender (no. 31)

Sorry for the sporadic posting this week folks; my life was unexpectedly hectic. Hopefully a return to normal (such as it is) next week! In the meantime, here are a few quick links I had a chance to note.

My hometown (Holland, Mich.) once again made the news (or at least one of my favorite blogs, Pam's House Blend) in an unflattering way when the Family Research Council decided to publish a full-page anti-gay advert in the town newspaper, the Holland Sentinel. Thankfully, the newspaper has also created a dedicated webpage for the letters it got in response. I haven't had a chance to read more than the headlines, but if they are anything to go by the response has been overwhelmingly negative.

Emily Nagoski @ ::sex nerd:: mused about the intersection of feminism and sexology and the "nerd voice" as identified and described by Sara Vowell in her essay of the same name.

Thomas @ Yes Means Yes talked about the two ways to disrupt the power of shaming labels (in this case "slut"): attacking the existence of the label and embracing it.

lis @ Sociological Images resposted the "findings" of a researcher who analyzed the messaging habits of those seeking women and men on the dating site OKCupid and ... regurgitated some pretty simplistic (and damaging) stereotypes about bisexuality in his analysis. Commenters on this thread were pretty universal in decrying the shoddy research for what it was, so the comment thread is well worth reading.

In other flawed-yet-fascinating research results, Lisa Wade @ Jezebel shares the results of a poll conducted through a Christian website asking men what types of clothing and behaviors were considered "immodest" for women. Basically, to be modest apparently requires 24/7 policing of one's appearance and physical movements. Finally: the answer to why I became a feminist -- being a non-feminist was just too much effort!

Adrienne @ From Austin to A&M on the perils of being a feminist romance reader, and suggestions for where to go as a feminist for your romance fix (hint: paranormal romance features heavily).

Greta Christina has a piece up over at Alternet about five stupid, unfair and sexist things expected of men. File this one in your "the patriarchy hurts men too" (even though, I know, I know, it isn't the patriarchy but the kyriarchy anyhow).

B @ Feminist Review reports on a new book coming out of the UK called Reclaiming the F-Word: The New Feminist Movement. Sounds like an interesting perspective from across the pond.

Molly @ first the egg asks for suggestions of your favorite feminist young adult books. Hop on over and share!

Cass @ Bonjour, Cass! has suggestions for non-fiction reading on trans issues. Looking for a refresher (or just some geeky summer reading? Check out the post!

Other folks looking to get themselves educated are medical students, who feel woefully ill-equipped to provide sexual health services to their patients, according to a new study. Kate Drummond @ Surge Desk has more.

s.e. smith @ FWD/Forward takes on uninformed advice from a different angle, this time a problematic response to a Miss Conduct etiquette column about touch, boundaries, and social spaces.

Last week, Dan Savage @ the New York Times observed that the new indie film, "The Kids Are All Right," featuring a lesbian couple with two teenage children might not be the great progressive breakthrough it's being touted as in many reviews. (Spoilers ahead in both links if you care!)

I realize this is the worst sort of film criticism (“Why did the filmmakers tell the story they told instead of the story they didn’t?”), but I couldn’t help feeling a little let down. There is, I think, just as much dramatic potential — just as many opportunities for crisis and conflict — in a story about two women who successfully incorporate the father of their children into their lives and into their family.

But maybe I have a bias.

Tonight we’re taking our son to the airport to pick up his mom, the woman who chose us, in an open adoption nearly 13 years ago, to raise her child. We didn’t have to slam a door in her face to become a family or to protect our family. We couldn’t have become a family without her.

Miriam @ Feministing also offers her own observations.

And finally, Abie Kopf @ Gay Rights Blog dissects the import of the wily quotation marks of homophobes.

Or should I say "wily" quotation marks?

sunday smut: links on sex and gender (no. 30)

^{bisou! by madefortvmovies @ Flickr.com}

Welcome! This week in sex and gender ...

New Blog: Anarcha-feminism: it's about as scary as it sounds. Complete with rainbows and happy trees and coloring outside the lines!

Michaela Borg @ Ms. Blogs | Shoulder to Shoulder: UK Suffrage Postcards! The images are definitely worth the click-through if you're into vintage postcards + feminism ... I mean, really, what's not to like??

Anna North @ Jezebel | Terrifying weight-loss ad will make you lose sleep. Video and commentary. "First of all, it's obviously not true that fat people can't tie their own shoes or lead exciting lives. But what kind of exciting life is depicted here anyway? Trench warfare? A firing squad? A bleeding knife? These are the worst reasons to lose weight we've ever heard (and we've heard some bad ones)."

Jacelyn Friedman @ Feministe & Yes Means Yes | On Sex and Compromise (Feministe) and On Sex and Compromise (Yes Means Yes). Cross-posted discussion about the ethics of sexual negotiation in relationships vis a vis the concept of "enthusiastic consent" as the ethical standard for relational sex. I share both posts because the comment threads on both are crucial to fleshing out the conversation as it evolved.

Minerva @ Hypomnemata | Armed and Alarmed [No Sex as Weapon]. My friend Minerva challenges Jacelyn's reading of sexual negotiation and compromise from her perspective as someone with an asexual orientation.

Vexing @ Feministing Community | "I wouldn't fuck a trans person." On why saying this is transphobic. Full stop.

Richard Florida @ The Daily Beast | America's Top 20 Gayest Cities (in pictures!). Shared mostly because my brother and his girlfriend (Portland, OR, #8), my sister and her boyfriend (Austin, TX, #7) and Hanna and I (Boston metro, MA, #4) all make the list. Coincidence? Likely not! Also, I find it fascinating that Florida is "surprised" that Columbus, Ohio, made the list (#16). If you're from the Midwest and in the queer community this really wouldn't come as a surprise at all!

Thomas @ Yes Means Yes | The Slut-Shaming Kind of Feminist. Really not much of a feminist at all.

Courtney @ From Austin to A&M | ForeverGeek does it again! On (once again) why personal experience -- while legitimate -- is not a replacement for analysis of larger patterns. "How has this adult geek woman never considered, when she writes for a blog where she is a token lady, that she is in a male-dominated culture? Seriously."

Tracy Clark-Flory @ Salon | Transgender widow put on trial. Nikki Araguz is being sued by her husband's family, following is death while on duty as a firefighter in Texas. The husband's family claim the marriage was invalid due to Nikki's trans status. Autumn Sandeen @ Pam's House Blend has more.

Charlie Glickman @ Adult Sexuality Education | Shame as a Public Health Issue. He's talking specifically about trans/queer youth and safer-sex practices, but I'd say shame itself is a public health concern, given the detrimental effect self-hatred and shame have on quality of life and the ability for someone to feel worthy of sexual pleasure.

And finally, Hanna @ ...fly over me, evil angel... | friday fun times. Hanna has a round-up of the photographs from Comic Con of geeks counter-protesting the Westboro Baptist Church haters, who came to rain on the Comic Con parade. When in doubt, fight hatred with laughter. Humor always wins (or at the very least, has a good time!). Just sayin'.

sunday smut: links on sex and gender (no. 29)

I'm back this week, and I know at least a couple of people missed this list 'cause they wrote and told me so! How cool is that?

^{Lindsey june 101 by Ron Gibson @ Flickr.com}

Anyways, here's a bunch of stuff that's been accumulating since the weekend of the 4th out there on the internets, and which I hope you'll find yourself hooked by (at least a link or two).

On the family values front

While I was gone on vacation, Bristol Palin and once and future beau Levi Johnston announced their re-engagement on the cover of Us magazine. Amber Benfer @ Salon contemplates the way the celebrity family's story matches up (or doesn't) with the narrative conservative America wants to tell about teen sex, marriage, and parenting.

Annette Bening and Julianne Moore co-star in "The Kids Are All Right," a "Guess Who's Coming To Dinner" for the queer family age, in which Bening and Moore's two teenage children bring their biological father (played by Mark Ruffalo) home for dinner. David Edelstein @ Fresh Air offers a glowing review and Sarah Seltzer @ RhRealityCheck weighs in on the film's limitations.

When women are pregnant, they often discover that the normal rules of personal space cease to apply, as Jessica Valenti of Feministing documents on her own personal site. "Stop touching my stomach without my permission. It’s presumptuous and it creeps me out. You wouldn’t touch a non-pregnant person’s belly without asking, so what makes you think it’s okay to just lay hands on mine?"

Sarah @ Feministing Community shares her own personal experience with the fundamentalist Quiverfull movement and challenges feminists to educate themselves on the contours of this rapidly-growing conservative counterculture, rather than just toss off scornful comments.

Dodai Stewart @ Jezebel suggests that a recent story about an interracial couple who have twins with differing skin tones is a useful object lesson in how race is culturally constructed.

Feminism is for everybody (even Hot GirlsTM!)

I've been reading a lot of awesome stuff lately about appearance policing and sexism/misogyny. Is it something in the air y'all?

The story about Olivia Munn and sexism and The Daily Show, which I didn't have the energy to blog about (although I tried several times to write something from scratch and failed), has really brought out a lot of awesome posts about the difference between hating on someone 'cause they're HotTM and calling out individual (Munn) or collective (TDS) actions that actively or passively support a system that is sexist or using power in other unhealthy ways.

For starters, there's Amanda Hess @ The Sexist and Sady @ Tiger Beatdown (both such Very Awesome LadiesTM) talking about criticism of comedian Olivia Munn for her participation in sexist culture. And for being HotTM. Amanda: Consent and Manipulation in Olivia Munn’s Playboy Shoot Amanda: Feminism is for Bitches Sady: The Munn Paradox Amanda: Women as Gatekeepers of Sex - and Sexism. I can't emphasize enough how worthwhile it is to read all of these posts in full, but it comes down to this: as feminists, we should call out sexism as it hurts everyone, even those who we think are enabling it, even those who benefit from it.

Not everyone sees it that way, though, specifically Emily Gould @ Slate who has a history of making controversial statements about feminists, charging feminists with being overcome by jealousy. Shelby Knox @ Feministe observes that Gloud might possibly have been purposefully misconstruing the situation for page views; Amanda Marcotte @ Pandagon writes about the difficulty of blogging on body issues, and why Gould's attack on feminist media for critiquing harmful cultural norms is so counterproductive.

See, Hot GirlsTM totally can't win, as this post from @ Jezebel points out. "It's not that we want or need Angelina [Jolie] to do a romcom. The universe is a much better place with her sneering, running, jumping, doing her own stunts and gunning down fools. But doesn't calling her 'too forceful' imply that love is for the weak? Don't we all have a little bit of a swooning romantic in us as well as a smidge of ass-kicker? And what the hell does it mean to be 'too strong' for romance?"

You don't even have to be a Hot GirlTM to get be caught in a lose-lose type situation, as Lilly @Jezebel points out in her personal story of sartorial humiliation while serving ice cream. The post struck such a chord that it garnered Jezebel's comment of the day (COTD) award with this list of instructions for women who find themselves shamed by the appearance police.

Silvana @ Tiger Beatdown leaps into the frey with a post about judging other peoples' appearance. "When I hear, tights are not pants, or you should wear pantyhose to court, or I wouldn’t wear X cut of a shirt because it doesn’t look good on me, I think, who made these rules? Why are we following them? Why do we passively subscribe to an aesthetic system that requires us to daily fulfill the twin obligations of being 'respectful' by not doing anything out of the ordinary and looking as thin and 'feminine' as we can muster? I want fashion to be less about making other people comfortable, and more about personal expression and art. There is too much hierarchy. It is too top-down, from a murky top with too many leaders with too many conflicting messages."

"She asked for it" -- Not!

Of course, sexual assault skeptics rely on appearance policing big time as a way to legitimize victim-blaming (if it's okay to police peoples' appearance, then it follows on some level that it's okay to punish them for inappropriate dress and behavior). Alex DiBranco @ Women's Rights Blog points our attention toward a new PSA campaign in Scotland that points out the absurdity of laying the blame for rape on the behavior of the victim (rather than, you know, on the behavior of the perpetrator).

Amanda Hess @ The Sexist points out the problem with "hoping it's not true" when it comes to allegations of sexual assault by someone you respect. "When we 'hope it’s not true' ... We’re not hoping that our criminal justice system works to convict the guilty and acquit the innocent. We’re hoping that the person who reported the sexual assault is a liar. We’re hoping that people who claim to be victims of sexual assault are all lying, that it never really happens. We’re hoping, in the end, that bad things do happen -- to good men who are victimized by bad women." Seriously. Go read the whole thing.

Via Amanda Hess comes this post by Sarah M. @ Change Happens on why "drunk sex" isn't really that easily confused with rape, and we shouldn't pretend that it is. "Clearly people are sometimes going to get drunk and have sex. And the presence of alcohol in someone’s bloodstream does not automatically make it rape. But there’s a spectrum of intoxication. If someone is physically impaired by their drinking (or drug use), you can tell. They are getting sick, their body is limp, they’re not able to communicate clearly with you. It’s a common sense situation. If it’s less obvious, you know they have been drinking but you’re not sure how much and they seem OK, that’s where communication is key, and honestly—if it’s unclear how drunk your partner is and you feel conflicted, then maybe just play it safe and don’t do it. Instincts are there for a reason."

If you're a child and your parent asks you to do things like pose naked and talk about your sexuality which make you feel uncomfortable but you do them 'cause it's your Dad and you don't want to say no, and then those images and words are turned into artwork and made accessible for the whole world to see -- do you have a right to say "no"?

Obvious answer: yes (Carolyn @ Carolyn Gage). Answer given by a lot of folks out there in the world ('cause the world is fucked): not if it's art (Irin Carmon @Jezebel). More to come on this next week, in a still-being-written blog post about archival ethics and issues of consent.

IrrationalPoint @ queergeeks offers a succinct example of how consent and nonconsent works, starting in childhood, when bullies don't listen to the voices of children who try and stand up for themselves.

Feminism is for everybody!

Courtney @ From Austin to A&M explains why being "apolitical" doesn't stop you from perpetuating sexism.

A lesson that the folks over at The Daily Show could apparently stand to learn (or remind themselves of). Amanda Hess @ The Sexist explains.

Possibly also Whoopi Goldberg, who recently fell into the Ill Doctrine trap of having the "is he a racist" conversation rather than the "what he said was racist conversation. @ Bitch Blogs explains.

Feminism (in my oh-so-humble opinion) is all about treating every human being like, well, a human being, instead of a 'bot created to fill a certain social role. zack @ The New Gay calls out straight women for expecting gay men to fill such a social role, rather than treating him as, you know, an individual.

Feminism is even for menfolk! Greta Christina @ The Blowfish Blog lays some feminist hate on the straightjacket expectations of masculinity and then explains why laying on the feminist hate matters, and might actually make the world a better place for all those wonderful menfolk we feminists love so much.

Which isn't to say that being a feminist and, like, making that change in the world is at all easy. Harriet J @ Fugitivus explains in great, now I hate everybody.

Oh help!

This post has become MAMMOTH! and I still have stuff to share ... damn it. Oh, well, I'm going to call it quits there for this week and see if I can't work a few other things into actual legitimate blog posts.

Meanwhile, I'll sign off with this story from Richard Knox @ NPR about a psychologist who has been studying marriage proposals on YouTube. Have fun, y'all! And I'll be back with more.

sunday smut: links on sex and gender (no. 28)

Because who could possibly resist gaudy patriotism like this on the 4th of July weekend? Not me!

In other, much more serious news (*ahem*), Amanda Hess & Courtney Stoker @ The Sexist talk about the highs and lows of being a feminist geek, and how to make dudely subcultures more inclusive, while Julia (also @ The Sexist) discusses how fanfic can serve as the gateway to kink (third video from the top).

The Youth and Media Policy Working Group Initiative @ Berkman Center for Internet and Society (Harvard University) offer up a paper (available in PDF) on "addresses legal and practical issues related to the practice colloquially known as sexting." You can read a press release and download the paper at their website. I haven't had a chance to peruse it, but it looks to be a good resource for folks doing research and/or advocacy in this area.

Thomas @ Yes Means Yes wrote a short post this week reminding us all that physical response to sexual stimulation does not equal consent: our bodies respond with arousal whether we desire the contact or not. What does this mean? Only enthusiastic participation can really equal consent, and that's the golden standard we all need to be looking for in our partners.

Everyone, it seems, has opinions on whether women should breastfeed their children, for how long, under what circumstances, and the depths of "bad mother"-dome they will sink if they push the envelope on any of these parameters. Rowan Pelling @ The Telegraph (UK) describes the no-win situation

The last time I wrote on the topic, saying in the mildest terms that while I subscribed to the view that breast was best it was counter-productive to bully women on the topic, I received a torrent of abusive mail. Several people suggested that I should not have reproduced if I "couldn't be bothered" to feed the baby myself, while one New Man denounced my laziness, saying piously that he had "made sure my wife persevered for our child's good". I had a vision of his poor spouse weeping with cracked nipples, while he chained her to the nursing chair.

Over @ first the egg, Molly shares her toddler's expertise on childbirth, as well as he boundless curiousity for how babies are grown and birthed. "In the car later he was annoyed with himself because he knew that the cord provides food through the blood but couldn’t remember about oxygen: 'What else does it do?,' he asked urgently. Then he said he’d tell [his teacher] about the oxygen thing the next day. This child takes his duties as childbirth educator seriously, people."

Endocrinologist Dr. Marian New is experimenting with the use of hormone therapy for pregnant women to reduce incidences of congenital adrenal hyperplasia(CAH) in female fetuses. CAH has been linked by some to a greater incidence of infertility, intersexuality, "masculine" behaviors, bisexuality, and even (gasp!) lesbianism. Kelsey Wallace @ Bitch Blogs feels this warrants the latest proclaimation of a douchebag decree for en utero gender norm enforcement! For those interested the more science-heavy details of New's experimental treatments see: Alice Dreger, Ellen K. Feder, Anne Tamar-Mattis @ Bioethics Forum, Preventing Homosexuality (and Uppity Women) in the Womb? and an update by the same authors: Prenatal Dex.

In other drug-related news, the FDA recently declined to approve Flibanserin, a drug that is supposed to increase sexual desire in pre-menopausal women. While a number of feminists have vocally opposed the medicalization of sexual desire, Dr. Marty Klein @ Sexual Intelligence asks what is accomplished by denying the drug to women for whom a medical fix might improve their quality of life. "There’s something unseemly about activists -- self-described feminists, sexual health advocates, whatever --working so hard to prevent a drug from coming to market because its creators might manipulate and confuse possible consumers."

We might say we believe in gender equality, but do our values and our actions really reflect such a claim? As SarahMC @ The Pursuit of Harpyness, equality in theory but not in practice seems to be the order of the day according to a recently-released Pew Research survey of twenty-two nations worldwide.

Elena Kagan refused to backpedal her opposition to "don't ask, don't tell," according to Michael Jones @ The Gay Rights Blog, and the always-worth-reading Dahlia Lithwick @ Slate offers her take on Kagan's nomination process, reporting how senators worried that the Court might impose a Communist regime of forced vegetables for all if Kagan is approved, while Kagan herself woos her audience with her wit and wisdom as all the justices who've gone before her haunt the Senate floor. Which, in the end, turned out to be a poor tactic for the opposition, since most Americans are pretty happy with what Thurgood Marshall accomplished for civil rights.

In other Supreme Court-related news, SCOTUS handed down a ruling at the end of the 2009-2010 term supporting schools' rights to require all school-endorsed student groups to be open to all. The specific case argued involved a law school that refused official recognition to a Christian student group because they required all members to sign a statement of faith upon joining, the articles of which included condemning non-straight sexuality as sinful.

Speaking of sinful behavior, Sinclair @ Sugarbutch Chronicles tackles the question of whether enjoying porn that features sexual orientations other than your own is exploitative. Short answer: No. Slightly longer answer: It's not the consumption of pornography or erotica that is a measure of your exploitative behavior, it's how you actually treat actual people whose sexual orientations and predilections differ from yours.

In other words: Let that erotica increase your reserve of lovingkindness toward all beings!

And with that, I'm going to sign off and go enjoy me some fireworks. Or maybe just an episode of two of American Dad!

Happy 4th everyone!

^{image credit: _MG_0880.JPG by DINO212 @ Flickr.com.}

sunday smut: links on sex and gender (no. 28)

A quiet week in Lake Woebegone, folks ... maybe everyone was laid low by the heat? Or busy watching the World Cup? Anyways, here's a handful of links that jumped out from my feeds these past seven days.

First, a pretty picture (nsfw) which I was unable to use for today's illustration (damn people protecting their online content!!)

Amanda Marcotte @ Pandagon | How I Stopped Being A Slut, And Learned To Cash Massive Book Advances. "There are some obstacles to overcome. The largest is obviously my boyfriend, who is all about me getting lucrative book deals, but is concerned that the necessary thesis---that my wanton feminist ways have left me loveless and manless---could be construed as insulting to him. I’ve tossed around the idea of kicking him out and only seeing him on the sly, but the cats have raised objections to this, having grown quite fond of him after living with him for most of their lives."

Aviva Dove-Viebahn @ Ms. Magazine Blog | How to Lose Your Virginity: An Interview with Therese Shechter. "Up until a certain age, you’re not supposed to be sexually active, and then you cross some invisible threshold and suddenly everyone is supposed to be having sex ... And I have met so many people that aren’t and feel terrible. Not personally feel terrible—they’re making decisions about their lives—but feel terrible culturally. Like, God forbid anyone should find out about this."

Miriam @ Feministing | Defining queer virginity. "...But for queer folks, the boundaries are less defined. When two women have sex, when have they 'done it'? What about two men? What about two genderqueer or trans folks? Is it about penetration, or about orgasms, or nudity, or oral sex? When you expand your ideas of sexuality beyond the confines of straightness, things are more open."

Amanda Hess @ The Sexist | Talking Sex, With Kink Educators and Anti-Porn Activists. "Since co-founding KinkForAll, Maymay has encountered some complications that don’t figure into his spreadsheets—which is why, even if there’s no live action onstage, he tapes every gathering. 'I record myself because some people like to say I’m a pedophile, and since I’m not really a pedophile, it helps when they see video of me not being a pedophile,' he says. 'I’m like, "Actually, I was just showing a Google doc on the screen."'"

Molly @ first the egg | review: The Business of Being Born. "A little over 16 minutes into the film, an adorable doctor explains why doctors tend to prefer the flat-on-the-back-in-bed position and why that’s not okay. This part is just fantastic; I do wish every 'parent-to-be' would watch these two minutes."

Miriam @ Radical Doula | New radical birth magazine: SQUAT.

and, for those looking for comment threads to wile away some time on ...

erica @ Feministe | What kind of mirror did your mom make you look at your vagina with? "All this measures up very differently when I hear friends’ stories about how they only really learned about sex in their twenties, or thought that by only having oral, or anal sex they could still remain virgins. So, to expand my horizons a little, I asked everyone I knew to contribute their virginity and/or their how they learned about the birds & the bees stories. They’ll be going up all this week starting later today."

^{image credit: La Grande Danse macabre des vifs by Martin Van Maele (1863–1926), made available @ Wikimedia Commons.}

sunday smut: links on sex and gender (no. 27)

Sam Leith @ The Guardian (h/t to Hanna) | EM Forster's work tailed off once he finally had sex. Better that than a life of despair. "Nobody should have to write, or paint, or sing from the depths of despair, no matter how exhilarating the results. I'm sorry we never got to read Forster's unwritten novels, but I'm much happier he got laid."

Amanda Marcotte @ Pandagon | New Bulletin: Men Have Hearts That Break. "Both sexes are, gasp, human beings and therefore are sad when they lose a relationship. The reason that men have trouble bouncing back is that our culture doesn’t create enough room for men to heal. Men are discouraged from having close friendships where they can talk this stuff out (at least when they’re younger), and they’re encouraged to put on a stoic face and bury pain deep inside. It’s no surprise to many of us here, I’m sure, that a little crying it out can aid recovery. That men aren’t given that space is just another example of how Patriarchy Hurts Men Too (PHMT)."

Miriam @ Feministing | Is female dominance a success for feminism? "Women's success at the expense of men is not a feminist success. Flipping the scales in the other direction is just as problematic. So what's the solution? I don't think it's the tactics that Rosin reports on in her article: quiet affirmative action toward men trying to get into higher education, re-segregation of education to cater towards boys learning needs. If we keep up these tactics, we're going to create a seesaw effect where women outpace men, and then men outpace women. We need a new strategy. A less gendered one."

Stephanie Zvan @ Quiche Moraine (via Sex in the Public Square) | What Is an Ally? "I’m not really sure how it happened. Allies in the culture wars aren’t appreciably different than military or political allies, but somehow, the meaning of the word has changed online. We’ve gone from 'In everyday English usage, allies are people, groups, or nations that have joined together in an association for mutual benefit or to achieve some common purpose, whether or not explicit agreement has been worked out between them' to the assumption that the act of alliance comes with specific obligations and that people are 'bad allies' or not allies at all if particular things are done or left undone."

Sinclair @ Sugarbutch Chronicles | BDSM is Not Abuse. "I am still surprised how often BDSM gets equated with abuse, and this list makes the distinctions so very clear, I like it. I have the feeling I’ll be referencing this quite a bit in various things. Hope the Lesbian Sex Mafia doesn’t mind that I am reprinting it here!"

Greta Christina @ The Blowfish Blog | How Often Should You Ask For Something? and How Often Should You Ask For Something? Part Two: The Specifics. "How do we value the right to say 'No' to any kind of sex we don’t want to engage in — while still valuing the right to ask for what we want? How — specifically, practically — can we make this distinction?" and "Example. If my partner asks me, 'Can I apply hot peppers to your nether regions?” and I say 'No, I don’t want to try that,' it’s probably not going to occur to me to bring it up again. Not because I’m traumatized by the very idea . . . but because it simply won’t be on my radar. Even if hot peppers aren’t an absolutely firm No for me — even if they’re something I’d be willing to try if my fears and reservations about it were allayed — once I’ve said 'No,' for me the matter is going to be pretty much closed. But that doesn’t make my partner a bad person for opening it up again."

Cara @ The Curvature | Group Suggests Age Appropriate Sex Education? Time to Freak Out. "Sex education, in my view, shouldn’t be about 'preventing teen pregnancy.' It should be about teaching young people how to engage in emotionally and physically healthy, pleasurable, consensual sexual relationships if and when they choose to engage in such relationships at all, and informing them about how to keep themselves as healthy and safe as they can and how to control their reproductive capacities as they see fit as a part of that."

Rachel @ The Feminist Agenda | Obesity and fun sexy time. "The thing we should be paying attention to is the fact that many fat women are so beat down psychologically and have so thoroughly internalized the message that they are not sexual beings, that they don't deserve love and sexual fulfillment, and that their bodies are worthless and disgusting, that they often put their sexual health at risk. That is fucked. You know what else is fucked? The fact that many fat people have had such negative experiences with medical professionals that they would rather risk their sexual health than interact with them."

Vanessa @ Feministing | The sanctioning of child genital cutting at Cornell University. "Alice Dreger and Ellen K. Feder at Bioethics Forum brought recent attention to the controversial (to put it mildly) treatment which Dr. Poppas claims to 'fix' the genitals of children as young as 3 months so they can have a more 'normal appearing vagina' after the doctor deem their clitoris oversized." Original post flagged with a strong trigger warning.

And I have to break away from my format-of-the-week here for a little editorializing, because Vanessa shares this appalling quote from the F-Word

One time I asked a surgeon who does these surgeries if he had any idea how women actually reach orgasm. What did he actually know, scientifically, about the functional physiology of the adult clitoris? He looked at me blankly, and then said, "But we're working on children." As if they were never going to grow up.

I just want to point out that, not only do children grow up -- they actually experience pleasure from their genitalia as children. The fact that the doctors are only secondarily (if that) concerned with the functionality of the clitoris yet primarily concerned with the clit "looking right" (which is a highly subjective observation, given the diversity of human genitalia) tells me just how much they've dehumanized these young people -- in part, I would argue, because their age makes them supremely vulnerable to exploitation in the name of increasing medical knowledge and "protecting" them from the (apparently irreparable) damage of being deemed abnormal according to our straightjacket codes of gender conformity.

And finally (because I am, after all, a librarian), Danika @ The Lesbrary | Lesbian Canon? "For the last couple days I’ve been thinking about the concept of a lesbian canon. I mean, I know that canons in general are problematic, but I like the idea of trying to identify the books that really steered lesbian writing."

Which brings me to Isabel @ Feministe | Not a Fish, Not Yet A Human. "Now: I am not interested, here, in trying to reclaim The Little Mermaid as a feminist classic, because I… am never interested, really, in trying to stamp something definitively with Feminist or Not Feminist. There are fucked-up things going on in every Disney movie ever, and The Little Mermaid is no exception. ...But right now, I want to focus on The Little Mermaid as a – still poignant to me – story of the painful liminal zone between childhood an adulthood." Even though The Little Mermaid terrified me as a child and has never been my favorite fairy tale, in my book every work of fiction deserves a second chance -- and Isabel musters a damn good defense of this one.

^{image credit: Gerstl, Richard (1883-1908) - 1901 Self-portrait, half-nude on a blue background (Leopold Collection, Vienna), made available by RasMarley @ Flickr.com.}