tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post2180404587095443254..comments2023-10-10T06:48:40.299-03:00Comments on the feminist librarian: un-mother's day: thoughts on a problematic holidayannajcookhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17573723390785613915noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-22157941720180815302010-05-20T09:13:49.009-03:002010-05-20T09:13:49.009-03:00Sorry I don't get it. Perhaps it is a cultural...Sorry I don't get it. Perhaps it is a cultural difference but I've never seen mothers' day in those ways. It has always been a time when I thank my mum for what she does for me, and give her the opportunity to be herself away from her 'motherly' responsibilities (we're all adults now so the dynamic is different obviously). For my parents it is a time when they reminisce about their dead mothers/ mother in laws fondly. <br /><br />There is nothing at all alienating about mother's day. Just like on shrove Tuesday if you don't eat wheat or whatever you don't make pancakes. It's not about blaming or excluding anyone else who isn't or hasn't a mother but celebrates that one group. But perhaps it is different in the USA.soirorenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-48425729324707524442010-05-18T23:18:21.080-03:002010-05-18T23:18:21.080-03:00@Molly
"yes with yes sauce"...I'm g...@Molly<br /><br />"yes with yes sauce"...I'm gonna have to get that on a t-shirt :)!<br /><br />It's late and I'm headed to bed, but just wanted to say AMEN to your observations. I think part of the reason that I get so wound up about the "I hate kids" vs. "I love kids," parenting vs. "childfree" debates is that I grew up in a family that -- while it <em>looked</em> on the outside really neotraditional, since my mother home educated us and my father was the sole wage-earner -- was totally not. <br /><br />My mother was the first person I sent the Anne Lamott piece to, because I knew she'd really enjoy it. And it's thanks to my parents that I grew up learning to relate to people of all ages as individual people rather than "adult" or "child" with different sets of rules for each. <br /><br />Always enjoy having you stop by, <br /><br />Peace, <br />Annaannajcookhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17573723390785613915noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8743841912028246535.post-11718408334482240352010-05-18T18:09:43.388-03:002010-05-18T18:09:43.388-03:00Yes with yes sauce.
This is not the focus of your...Yes with yes sauce.<br /><br />This is not the focus of your post, but (as you imply near the end, I think) parents who choose to or have to parent 'differently' are also marginalized by the whole cultural schema and machine that we can see so clearly in the Mother's Day phenomenon. I am a female parent who doesn't identify as a "mother"; I feel alienated by that highly-gendered and demanding cultural construction; I reject the idea that my worth and identity are determined primarily by the quality of my 'mothering'; I don't want extra-credit lady-empathy points for parenting my child; and I consider my relationship with my child to be an individual friendship and site of love and mutual respect, not the fulfillment of my womanly destiny or <i>any</i> sort of public property.<br /><br />So, I also end up feeling "judged by a set of cultural assumptions about what it means to lack (or forego[, or choose]) experience of the parenting role." In a different way, of course. It would be easy to assume that I'm <i>living</i> the narrative--after all, I'm a woman married to a man, with whom I'm raising our child. Nice little nuclear family and all that. Not getting shoved into the 'good mommy' box is hard when you look like the picture on the front, but I don't want to live there ... let alone raise a kid there.<br /><br />(Also, Anne Lamott rules. I just read <i>Operating Instructions</i> and was blown away by the funny and the beautiful.)Molly (First the Egg)http://www.firsttheegg.comnoreply@blogger.com